I kind of remember what this is about but i’m not too keen on sharing really. It’s a lot of cloudiness and general melodrama that sounds so profound and spun up in your own headspace, but I don’t know.
I throw this promise out a lot but I really do think i’ll be putting together something creative and interesting in this space sometime soon. Photography, writing, code, music, who knows. Something will be here!
REally just postin just to post you know.
This friday I will be traveling to iowa, and the next weekend i’ll be in eastern south dakota. That’s a little more traveling than i’d prefer for half a month but that’s just kind of how my weekends assembled themselves. two weeks after that I’ll be in minnesota for memorial day.. I think i like going to different places but there’s this deep homesickness I feel like i can never shake. There’s a word for it. but I’m afraid of putting it out there.
I did use msn messenger, which was probably lamer than AIM but I’m not sure if it was either an age thing or a regional thing but basically everyone I knew was using msn so yeah.
One really distinct moment I had was using messenger back in 2004 and setting my away message to some lyrics to the song “Jacqueline” off of the first Franz Ferdinand album that had come out around that time.
The lyrics went
"Gregor was down again,
said, 'Come on, kick me again'
Said, 'I'm so drunk, I don't mind if you kill me'"
obviously at the time I was like twelve years old so I’d never drank or partied before so the idea of connecting with this line in any way at that age is laughable but still, I really liked the song and that line seemed cool to me.
Anyways. One of my friends told me their grandparents saw my away message and it really upset them that their grandkids would interact with someone who’d say that, not realizing they were song lyrics
That was the most refreshing thing I’ve done in my entire life I feel so good wow
I had like 129000000000 email notifications across theee (3) different email apps so what I did was just deleted one and for the others just flagged everything as read why didn’t I do that ages ago
Honestly a lot of the apps I just deleted but it still counts
It’s really good to just look at my phone and feel a lot calmer with everything laid out without those lingering red bubble numbers. I’ve been up for 18 hours straight
Oh my god so this Dream last night woke me up at 3:45 am and I would’ve just posted this whole deal then but I really really needed the sleep so I just jotted down these notes because of how stupidly ubsurd and stressful it was and oh my god I spelled “absurd” with a “u” just now which really gives you an insight on how badly I require the recommended amount of human sleep
So anyways my dream was that I was in the high school production of SOME musical, for the life of me after wracking my brain afterwards I couldn’t conclude what the musical was, so I can only assume it was some fever dream stupid fake musical I made up for the dream.
Recalling it now, i can’t quite put my finger on how it sounded exactly. Musically, it was similar to West Side Story with a modern, mid-2000s rock slant (kinda adjacent to Spring Awakening I guess) and the main character was a detective?? Anyways, I had been cast as the lead role for some (in-universe) inexplicable reason that I never really challenged, since in this dream it was very clearly established that I was in the last semester of graduate school.
But the real kicker was for whatever reason (I attributed it to being busy in the dream) I never attended a single rehearsal and nobody called me out on it or told me about it to remind me all the way up until the dress rehearsal the day before opening night. This was about where the dream started. So here I was, blasting through the lyrics for the second to last number in the musical trying to figure out my lines for this rehearsal with everyone being super passive aggressive towards me (and really, I guess, in the dream, rightfully so,) for only just now showing up and sucking tremendously.
The objectively WORST part of this dream was halfway through that number I fucking figured out I was in a dream. You know that Leo DiCaprio spinning top shit?? I had one of those moments and I can’t really remember how it happened but it did
and I figured out that everything in this stressful situation was a stupid dream and I figured it out thanks to the critically acclaimed 2011(?? Editors note please double check this before you post this because I don’t think this movie came out in 2011) blockbuster movie
The Inception (2011). I knew it was a dream but I am a supreme dumbass and thought “well this is a dream I know because of the movie inception and I did the thing that they do in that movie to figure out I am in
The “Dream” “World”
and it sucks and I can probably leave any time but maybe I’ll just ride this bad boy out and see what happens with this musical deal” so I just kept at it in what felt like real time up until the first performance. And I actually ended up nailing the opening number, but as soon as it was over I had to rush backstage to figure out the lyrics for the rest of the fucking musical.
A lot of this “figuring everything out on the fly” could probably be attributed to me being in
The “Dream” “World”
and trying to memorize lyrics only with the small allocation of memory saved for use during dreams,
anyways about halfway through the play I really just though long and hard about it and decided “no, this is really just way too much effort for what is 99.999% likely to be a dream so we’re just gonna leave” and I woke up and wrote all of this down.
I legitimately wish I had remembered a couple of the songs because I can vaguely recall that at least one of them was kind of a banger..
Anyways I think the whole thing was one big shitty metaphor on the imposter syndrome or whatever have a great day everyone
and my dream was literally just another semester of school where i forgot to do any of my homework or projects and I got really shitty grades and it was awesome. After I graduated i moved away and despite that was living in a house with all of my college friends, and also my parents for some reason?
Today I have to work on some more server stuff. At the end of last semester our campus radio station’s server died so we spent last week setting up our new one. pretty exciting summer stuff.